When a child doesn't want to go to school

School anxiety, school phobia, refusal to attend school, school neurosis. The names are different, but the problem is the same: the child refuses to go to school. He/she does not perceive school as a place where he/she interacts with peers and receives knowledge. For him, school is a constant source of fear and stress. How to be in this situation?

First, parents must learn to distinguish anxiety from anxiety. Episodic manifestations of anxiety before, for example, an important test or performance at a party - a normal reaction. Anxiety is a constant worry, which develops into an unwillingness to go to class. The child feels depressed every morning, he does not feel happy about the day ahead, he looks for an excuse not to go to school. At the same time at the weekend or on vacation he behaves perfectly normally.

Most children cannot or do not want to explain what is wrong. But every morning they have a "stomach ache" or "fever. And often this is not a simulation - with severe anxiety, all the symptoms actually appear. Parents will have to determine the cause of such a condition themselves.

Why the child refuses to go to school

First graders usually have a problem with social adaptation difficulties. The child is simply uncomfortable in an unfamiliar environment and wants to go home, where everything is clear and familiar. This is especially common in families where parents have long shielded their child from the difficulties and realities of life. As a result, the child feels like a stranger at school: he or she cannot find a common language with peers and does not know how to communicate with teachers.

In this case it is necessary to actively engage in socialization of the child, asking him to do simple errands: to go to the nearest store, to go with one of the adults - but not with mom and dad - somewhere on public transport. Parents should simulate situations in which the child can be independent.

Even younger students are often afraid of not living up to their parents' expectations and worry if they don't do well. A child can get upset even because of small failures - he forgot his notebook, he can't make straight hooks in the penmanship, his parents took him out of school later than others.

The adaptation period lasts from a month to six months, after which anxiety levels in younger pupils usually return to normal.

It is important not to overcharge him, not to scold him for minor oversights and explain that not everyone can do everything right the first time. Talk about your learning difficulties and how you are dealing with them. The adaptation period lasts from a month to six months, and after this period, anxiety levels in younger students usually return to normal.

The second turning point occurs in the transition to high school. But a teenager's anxiety in relation to school life can also be a manifestation of character traits. What situations most often become a reason for anxiety?

  • The child is afraid that at home he will be punished for low marks or bad behavior.
  • He is shy to answer in front of the board, is afraid to make a mistake in public, is afraid that everyone will laugh at him.
  • Can't find common ground with any of the teachers, faces ridicule, reproaches, nagging, undervalued grades and inattention.
  • Feels weak and unprotected, for example, afraid that older students may take away money or tease because of unfashionable clothes.
  • He or she feels different, cannot fit into any company and becomes an outcast.

The child becomes infected with anxiety from relatives. For example, the mother worries a lot about his grades and constantly reminds him that "it is important to study well, otherwise you won't get into the university and will become a janitor.

He has an otlichnik syndrome, he tries to be the best, constantly competing with other students and as a result he is overloaded with tasks.

The main mistake parents make in any of these situations is not paying attention to the problem or thinking that "it will pass by itself. Some students are able to cope with the problem on their own, adapt to the situation, find themselves and their place in school life. They react adequately to failures, do not worry about marks or reprimands. But most need help.

How can a parent help?

To begin with it is very important to understand and accept the child's anxiety. Remember: he has every right to it.

Sincerely, not for the sake of a tick, take an interest in the life, thoughts, feelings, fears of the child. Teach him or her to talk about them. Find out what lessons he likes and why. Is it the teacher's merit, or is the child interested in school?

Ask not only about the grades, but also about how and why they were given. What emotions did the grade evoke - pride, disappointment, anger, shame? Being able to recognize and describe your emotions is a very important skill that will come in handy not only in school life.

Explain to your son or daughter that it's okay not to know something or not to keep up. There is nothing to be ashamed of. Let your child not be ashamed to tell you if he or she is tired or physically unable to complete an assignment. Unfortunately, today's students are often overwhelmed.

3. Even if the child's problems don't seem serious, it is important to recognize the child's right to them. Don't devalue the problem, "So what, he forgot to learn a poem. But don't make a big deal out of it, "How could you not learn the poem? Why do you always forget everything? What are you so irresponsible about?"